SARAH VERBIEST

Looking Forward , Sarah Verbiest, founder of Every Woman Southeast, reflects on the new year and what it holds.
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A few symbols of my identities as a runner, friend, teacher and activist: inspirational jewelry from BFFs, my sneaker wings, and the pussy hat my students made for me.

The transfer of power from President Obama to President Trump today has made me reflect on my different identities.  As a cis woman and feminist, my heart is heavy as the biggest glass ceiling in our country remains intact. The promise of a Cabinet with half of the seats filled by females is lost. As a white mother, I am very aware of my privilege today – particularly as I look at a sea of faces that look like mine standing against the backdrop of Congress. In my professional identity as a public health social worker, I worry about funding for many different programs that seek to support and elevate those in need. As a Democrat, well, dang – it stinks to lose, especially when Rachel Maddox said for months that we would win.

But I think the identity that I need to most consider today is that of being an American. I was born in Michigan, raised in upstate New York, and gave birth to my children in North Carolina. I was educated in American schools and universities. I’ve paid taxes and used my financial resources to support capitalism – even McDonalds once in a while. My grandparents were square dancers, and one of my favorite runs is along all the monuments in DC. I may try to fake it when I travel but my fundamental Americanism is hard to hide – that darn optimism and clothing style.

american-flagYet, I’ve noticed a deep division within myself over the past few months about which kind of American I wish to identify with – and those from whom I find myself desperately trying to distance myself. I feel an inner fissure that is new and really uncomfortable. I feel angry and sometimes even think in passing that if bad policy decisions are made now, the people who voted a certain way will just learn the hard way. How awful! I hate to admit this feeling but it is there.

President Obama urged all Americans to  “Understand, democracy does not require uniformity. Our founders argued, they quarreled and eventually they compromised, and expected us to do the same. But they knew that democracy does require a basic sense of solidarity – the idea that for all our outward differences, we are all in this together; that we rise or fall as one.” So I have to do my inner work here, too, if I want to fully lean in to my identity as an American. The divide can’t close entirely but I need to better understand it.

Regardless of how I feel, my Americanism also means that I can’t just sit on my couch for the next four years drinking wine and binging on Netflix. Being an American means that I have to be a more active citizen. I must engage more now than ever. Democracy may be messy and hard and imperfect…but what is the alternative?

Sarah Mink from Bitch Media offered some great suggestions for taking concrete action. These include writing actual, thoughtful letters to the people who represent us, as well as diversifying our media and getting out of our echo chambers. She suggests that we offer our skills and give money to the local groups and causes that matter to us. She also challenges us to fight racism and learn from communities who have had to resist for decades. To be clear, I am NOT saying that to be American I have to resist Trump nor that you should do everything she suggests. But as an American I do hold responsibility for participating in democracy and seeking to uphold and move forward our ideals of “liberty and justice for all”.

As Obama said, “The work of democracy has always been hard, contentious and sometimes bloody.  For every two steps forward, it often feels we take one step back.  But the long sweep of America has been defined by forward motion, a constant widening of our founding creed to embrace all, and not just some.” I know that my country has many problems – we were founded on a fault line of slavery and the murder of indigenous people. But I also fervently hold true to our highest IDEALS and my belief that the “arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice,” as Dr. King so eloquently stated.

And for all of that, today I am going to wish our new President the best. Whether that makes you happy or sad, it doesn’t ultimately matter – as Americans he is our President now. I hope his heart is somehow moved to focus outside of himself as he assumes this most awesome and heavy responsibility. I pray that he can find words of unity in the future. And I offer my expectations that all of us – from members of the US Congress to the regular “person on the street” – wake up and stay that way.

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It is a mix of snow and sleet paired with freezing temperatures…in the South. Our world is shut down. It is lovely. It is Saturday and we suddenly have a weekend without obligations.

 

15941483_10211605274597122_6061374549231734917_nAn excuse to stay in sweats, work on small projects, actually talk to family, stay up late watching movies, even bake something. That is even better than the wintry landscape outside my window. It’s a Mother Nature imposed sabbath.

Normally my reflection might stop there. And that would be ok – we as women and an overworked, technology enslaved, “busy” nation could use a random day off now and again. It is both a luxury and a necessity to be able to do nothing on occasion.

But it is 2017 and being awake to power and privilege is long overdue. As I was sitting on my comfortable couch, I reflected that we have central heat, plenty of food, internet access, and in a pinch we can walk down our hill to a 24-hour pharmacy.  I feel safe in my home – it is a refuge not a minefield. Not all women can say this. I am warm in my home. The walls are firm, the roof is solid and whenever our power goes out it is usually back in just a few hours. This is not true for many families. I’m not isolated and alone nor am I anxious about the situation or find the gloomy skies heavy.

If this were a week day, I could work from home and still get paid…and keep an eye on my teen while he was out of school. For many people, not working today (and likely tomorrow) means they don’t get paid. My daughter was supposed to pick up a weekend shift while home from college. That gig is definitely off and she is out of luck for earning much needed textbook money.

Too many people navigate life without what they need to calmly and warmly shelter from life’s storms. For some the snow doesn’t bring a needed respite. How can we hold a space to rest, to enjoy the life we have – laugh in the excitement of our puppy or toddler discovering snow for the first time – while remembering that we deserve this no more than anyone else? Maybe for today it is the naming and recognition that matters – it doesn’t change the world but it can foster compassion. And if compassion in its truest form were a national value there would be no blizzard we couldn’t overcome.

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This seismic election has left our natiaudre-lordeon on a spectrum of emotions ranging from anger to jubilation and everywhere in-between. No matter where you might personally fall on the spectrum, let us continue to do the work that this coalition has set out to do together because you matter and the work you do matters!

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It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.

I spend a good portion of my professional life educating health professionals about “reproductive life planning,” or, basically, helping someone articulate whether or not they want any (or any more) kids and the steps they need to take to achieve their desired number of children. As a recurrent miscarrier – 7 pregnancies, but only 1 live birth – the irony is not lost on me.

I’ve always been a planner. I used to have every facet of my life planned out with such precision it would put a 5-star general to shame. When my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby, I knew exactly when I should get pregnant to interfere least with my master’s program’s comp exams and summer internship. Then the first miscarriage happened. I had to tinker with my plans, but I decided I could still make it work. Then came miscarriages two, three, and four. My plans were in shambles.

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I am a die-hard optimist. I am not only a “glass half full” kind of gal, I am a “glass is half full with half the calories OR I’m already partially hydrated”. I have always had a sunny outlook on life – to the point of being referred to as Pollyanna during a Fellowship interview (which felt insulting but hey I landed a spot). For many years I thought this positive attitude was genetic. In our family on my dad’s side there is the “happy” gene that can be traced across the generations. My grandmother Ethel had it as does my Aunt Mary, my cousin Marla and I, and Elaina in the newest cohort. This is the Monty Pythonesque “my arm is cut off but not the one holding my sword…how lucky” gene. This has been my truth for many years.More Link

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Vacations are good for us. They enhance our productivity, happiness and health.

I have an awkward relationship with vacations. I think about them – wish for them – have plenty of days to take them – and yet it’s July 27th and I’ve taken not taken more than one day off here and there this year. I’ve heard the recent stories on NPR about how
Vacations are good for us. They enhance our productivity, happiness and health.

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Green sprouts in the rain

Green sprouts in the rain

Green sprouts in the rain

It is time for white people to wake up from “the Dream,” recognize the pain our privilege causes, and begin to make amends.

There has been so much said on social media since the seven murders last week and now today. Some powerful words have been shared. Some people have remained silent because they don’t feel they have to comment while others have been silent because they just don’t know what to say. Each time I think I’m ready to put my thoughts out in the world there is a Huffington Post article or a blog that either encapsulates it all – much better than I could – or just shuts my mouth and forces me to think. As a human relations fellow and a social worker who has endeavored to learn about and discuss power and privilege, the readings I share below made me realize what a beginner I am in this essential work. Here is some of what I’ve been reflecting on recently.More Link

MeganImageThroughout the country governors, mayors, and even the president are issuing proclamations recognizing May as National Mental Health Awareness Month. But raising awareness about mental health and connecting people to service needs to happen year round. For me, as the Communications Specialist at NAMI North Carolina (The National Alliance on Mental Illness), it’s one of the most exciting times of the year. It gives me, and the rest of us at NAMI, the opportunity to talk about the importance of mental health awareness and eliminating stigma.

Millions of Americans are affected by mental health conditions. In fact, 1 in 5 Americans will experience mental illness in a given year.More Link

Ipuzzlen my eyes as a Public Health MD, there is a fundamental difference between prevention and intervention.   I practice prevention if I proactively address an outcome that has been experienced by some, and I make a concerted effort to trace that condition up stream and work to find opportunities for change, especially for those most at risk.  I practice intervention, on the other hand, when I wait until the disease process has already started and then start treating the symptoms. More Link

sarahphoto3Mother’s Day gives us the chance to reflect on our mother, the women who have been our mentors, and the mothers around us.  Motherhood is a messy, crazy, amazing, life-altering, life-long journey.  It is not for the faint hearted! Before my first child was born I couldn’t have imagined that within seconds of holding her in my arms I would willingly give my life to protect hers.

The decision to enter into this journey is certainly not one to be taken lightly. More Link

  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • September 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014